Something for the Birds

Here's the deal. Amber Dean's real name was Amber Dean Getzin and she lived from 1902 until 1985. She wrote 17 total novels, but 10 of these were part of an amateur detective series starring Abbie Harris. What's left are stand-alone stories, mostly suspense or crime-fiction that uses odd plot devices to keep novels unique and innovative. Case in point, Something for the Birds (hardcover 1959, paperback 1961), which features bird watchers mixed up with a heist team. It's crazy. It's unbelievable. It's entertaining as Hell. 

First things first, if you love both Lionel White and Dan Marlowe's characters plotting to knock over a bank while also conspiring to knock off one or two of their own heist team, then you'll love half of this book. No question. From that perspective, Dean showcases Frank and his three teammates (2 male, 1 female) planning a bank heist in Rochester, NY. Mostly, they perform well and get away with the money. Interesting enough, they decide to mail the stolen loot to a general delivery address in the small town where they plan to chill until the heat is off. 

The small upstate New York town the heist crew picks is inhabited by a group of friends that spend their free time as “birders”. I had to look the term up, but it's basically Paperback Warrior nerdiness, only with birds instead of books. These jokers keep log books of flight patterns, migration, what bird is mating (giving the bird) to another bird, species, calls, etc. Like, totally spaced out on birds. 

One of the birders has a lazy daughter that ships a package of dirty laundry back home for washing. Inevitably, because this is a crime-fiction novel, the birder accidentally gets the box of stolen cash and the bank robbers receive the dirty clothes. The mail is so unreliable. However, the birders never stop to open the box they have mistakenly received because they are on the hunt for bird eggs. But, the robbers know the birders have the money and are suspicious that they will go to the police. Frank and his team, which are warring with each other over the botched plans, head into the forest to shoot the women. Thus, this book's second-half is a suspenseful womanhunt birdwatching adventure with some mild humor. 

Something for the Birds was a lot of fun to read and is on par with Deadly Encounter in terms of tight, concise plot development. Dean's novels possess quirky characters in unusual circumstances, performing “outside the box” hobbies or careers. She does create some reader abrasion by constantly changing character perspectives and locales. But, I was okay with the dizziness. In regard to the mailing fiasco, I believe the author had another novel with the premise wrapped around a New York Post Office, but the title escapes me.  

Overall, if you enjoy heist books and the ultimate fallout when the plan goes south, then Something for the Birds is a soaring recommendation. Don't let this one fly away.

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Zanthodon #02 - Zanthodon

The Zanthodon series was created by science-fiction and fantasy author Lin Carter. Inspired by “hollow Earth” concepts by Edgar Rice Burroughs and Jules Verne, the series explores the adventures of action-man Eric Carstairs and his zany employer Professor Potter as they navigate an immense underground world. The series ran five total installments, all published by DAW and now available through Wildside Press. Considering how much I enjoyed the debut, Journey to the Underground World (1979), I was excited to read the next novel, simply called Zanthodon (1980).

For new readers that are picking up the series at this juncture, Zanthodon begins by summarizing the events from the first book. In this novel, main characters like Eric, Potter, Darya, Jorn, and Hurok are misplaced in Zanthodon, each forced to fight to survive in the cruel, harsh landscape. There are dinosaurs, giant spiders, Neanderthals, Cro-Mags, pirates, and cave dwellers that all play a hand in the characters becoming alienated from each other. 

Through the narrative, these characters eventually reunite under unpleasant circumstances. While either stumbling blindly or captured, the characters find themselves trapped in a giant cave system that is occupied by slaves mastered by the evil Gorpaks. Rape, torture, and sacrifices to enormous bloodsucking leeches are all commonplace in the Hellish tunnels. Needless to say, Eric comes up with a prison break plan that occupies most of the narrative's second-half. 

Zanthodon is much better than the series debut and offers up wild adventure in so many different ways. Whether it is pirates, monsters, evil villains, deadly soldiers, prison breaks, and sword fights, the book is saturated with nonstop action. Lin Carter's prose is rather goofy at times, especially considering he was using the concept that all of this is a real manuscript simply published for the public's sake using an alias of “Lin Carter”. It reminds me of all the MAMs back in the day that were “told by the real participants to the unknown writer”. It's really silly, and I wish the whole thing was presented in third-person to avoid the confusion of “this was relayed to me”. But, aside from that, there is nothing to dislike about the story. 

If you are familiar with Lin Carter, you'll recognize the formula of one event leading to another crazy event, like one long chain-reaction that the characters are experiencing. It's a lot of fun and makes for a breezy, easy to read action-adventure worth its salt. Highly recommended. Bring on Hurok! 

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Conan - The Vale of Lost Women

Many of Robert E. Howard's stories weren't published during his lifetime. His Conan the Cimmerian original short “The Vale of Lost Women”, estimated to have been written in 1933, was published in Magazine of Horror in the Spring, 1967 issue. Glenn Lord discovered two versions of the story, one as a 17 page draft and another finished version at 21 pages. According to the Deep Cuts blog, there was never any indication that the story was submitted to the pulps. Aside from its original publication, it was featured in Conan of Cimmeria (Lancer 1967), The Conan Chronicles Vol. 1: The People of the Black Circle (Gollancz 2000) and Conan of Cimmeria: Volume One (Del Rey 2003). 

“The Vale of Lost Women” takes place after the events of “Queen of the Black Coast” and Belit's death. Conan has joined the Bamula tribe in the jungles of Kush, becoming their new tribal king. In an effort to propose a possible truce, Conan visits a rival tribe called The Bakalah. It is here that he meets a white female prisoner named Livia. He learns that both Livia, and her brother, are scientists from Ophir that were captured by Bakalah warriors. Livia's brother was tortured to death, and she's certainly next to die. 

Livia suggests to Conan that she is a virgin, and after he refuses to free her, she offers him her body. Conan then agrees to help her escape. Later that day, she sees Conan walking towards her carrying the bloody severed head of the Bakalah's tribal chief. In fear that Conan, now drenched in crimson, is coming for her, she escapes on horseback into the jungle. It's this portion of the story where things take a bizarre turn.

Livia falls from her horse and discovers she's in a beautiful valley that is home to a tribe of black lesbians! But, the lesbians are using poisonous orchids to create a hallucinogenic effect, placing Livia in a trance. She finds that these lesbians are sacrificing her on an alter to a giant black bat! Thankfully, Conan has trailed Livia and fights off the giant bat thing. Livia, fearing that Conan will attempt to claim her, becomes frightened. However, Conan simply advises her that he made a mistake in accepting her proposal to give herself to him. Arguably, he is suggesting there is no honor in that. Instead, he agrees to guide her to the Stygian border where she can eventually find passage to Ophir. 

There isn't much to Howard's story, which probably contributes to the possibility that it was never submitted for publication during the author's lifetime. The imagery of Conan slowly walking through carnage holding a severed head is memorable, but aside from that there isn't a whole lot to highlight. But, the story does present a rarely seen moment of the hero's life as the Bamula leader. 

Besides “The Vale of Lost Women”, Lin Carter and L. Sprague de Camp authored a 1969 story called “The Castle of Terror” that briefly recaps Conan's tenure with the Bamulas, stating he ruled the tribe for a year. It further states that a severe drought struck the region of Kush, which the Bamulas blamed on Conan, ultimately forcing him into exile. Roland Green's 1994 novel Conan at the Demon Gate also depicts Conan's time with the Bamulas and his rise to ruler of the tribe. Marvel's Conan the Barbarian adapted events from “The Vale of Lost Women” in issues #101-104. 

Personally, I feel that artist Ken Kelly's cover art for Conan the Bold, a 1989 paperback by John Maddox Roberts, is a good recommendation of Conan battling a "bat creature" while protecting a girl, an event that happens in "The Vale of Lost Women" but oddly never occurs in Roberts' novel. Also, Conan battles a "dark bat thing" while protecting a girl in Conan the Barbarian #9, an adaptation of Howard's 1934 horror story "Garden of Fear". Both Kelly's artwork for the novel and Roy Thomas's writing in the comic just remind me of "The Vale of Lost Women" for some reason.

Death of an Intruder/Twice So Fair

Nedra Tyre (1912-1990), who was born in Offerman, Georgia, received her B.A. from Atlanta's Emory University and her M.A. from Richmond School of Social Work in Virginia. She worked as a teacher, staff writer, social worker, typist, and a sales clerk in addition to being a notable mystery and suspense author. She wrote six stand-alone novels and approximately 40 short stories for magazines like Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine, Sleuth, Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine, and Mystery Monthly. 

Stark House Press have recently reprinted two Tyre novels in one volume, Death of an Intruder (1954) and Twice So Fair (1971), along with an introduction by Curtis Evans. Tyre's name was new to me, but thankfully this twofer served as a wonderful introduction to this talented author. Billed as “suspense classics”, both of these novels deliver deeply embedded mysteries that are ratcheted up to higher levels of tension and psychological edginess that is similar to Elizabeth Fenwick (real name Elizabeth Phillips) or Margaret Millar. 

The better of the two novels, Death of an Intruder, introduces readers to Miss Allison, a middle-aged woman who strives for independence after the death of her aunt. Allison finds a charming house, purchases the home, and begins a solitary life of enjoyment and simplicity. However, her bliss is short-lived when an elderly woman, Miss Withers, knocks on her door and invites herself in. After complaining about a rainstorm, Withers begs to stay the night. Allison, a quiet, non-confrontational individual, agrees to allow her uninvited guest to sleep on the sofa. The next morning, Allison is horrified to learn that Withers hasn't left. And she never will.

Through 150ish pages, Allison must contend with an unwanted roommate that violates her sanctity. As the narrative grips readers, Allison learns that Withers may have killed her pet, ruined her relationship with a prospective boyfriend and close friend, and alienated her from the life she once enjoyed. Debating on how to rid herself of the woman, Allison's only choice may be murder. 

Like Allison's introspective problems within her own home, Twice So Fair presents a recent widow, Rosalind, learning about her late husband's mysterious involvement with one of his students. Both of them were found dead in a college studio, but what was their relationship? As Rosalind contends with the loss of her husband, and the obligatory affairs of dissolving a happily married lifestyle by unforeseen circumstances, she is thrust into a mystery when a stranger invades her home. In a darkened room, the man confesses to be an estranged friend of the student found dead beside Rosalind's husband, and begins a conversational journey explaining his orphaned upbringing and potential “six degrees of separation” from Rosalind's life. But, could this uninvited stranger be a killer?

Nedra Tyre is a phenomenal storyteller, and it pains me to know that I've now read nearly half of her novels. I'm surprised, and disappointed, that she didn't write more full-lengths, but due to publisher issues in her late career, she was submerged into the short story market. Her perspectives on life, literary work, social inadequacies, marital harmony, and paranoia are center-stage attractions of these novels. It's nearly uncanny how well she can enter the minds of the characters she creates. 

According to Twentieth Century Crime and Mystery Writers, Tyre had a niche for “superbly handled suspense”, evident with these novels and her short stories “Locks Won't Keep You Out” (1978, Ellery Queen's Napoleons of Mystery) and “On Little Cat Feet” (1976, Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine). I enjoyed her characterizations of both protagonists, with Allison and Rosalind sharing similar outlooks – as dreary as they may be. Interesting enough, there is a sense of wrongdoing on the part of supporting characters, those acquaintances of both Allison and Rosalind. When the support system is most needed, both intimately and professionally, it fails these less-than-confident protagonists. It was clever plotting and development by Tyre to force these characters into independent (irrational?) action. 

If you are new to Nedra Tyre, then by all means this twofer is highly recommended. In general, if you are new to female mystery and suspense writers, Stark House Press have an abundance of long-forgotten, entertaining classics by the likes of Mary Collins, Helen Nielsen, Dolores Hitchens, Ruth Wallis, and Jean Potts to name a few. 

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Man Alone (aka Steve Douglas of Sleepycat Ranch)

In 1971, Belmont/Unibook published a book with a rather odd title, Steve Douglas of Sleepycat Ranch. I don't know who the author is, but the book's cover is amazing. However, I own the 1975 version of this same book, a Belmont Tower paperback called Man Alone. The author's name on the cover is E.H. Manring, a name that could resemble a real author or simply a pseudonym for any number of action-adventure writers of that decade. However, I believe the author is an old pulpster based on my reading experience with the book.

Traditional western formulas tend to fall into a handful of scenarios. Arguably, the most popular of these is the ranch stealing stories where either some wealthy bullish land baron forces the average working man to fight for his right to ranch or cattle-rustlers are stealing livestock from the average working man. Either way, it is always about a land grab with the trophy being water, gold, cattle, money, or the beautiful woman (mostly the widowed variety). Man Alone is that story, only modernized to fit the late 20th century.

Steve Douglas is a former U.S. Marine and a rodeo riding superstar. Nowadays (in 1971 that is), he is a horse rancher with a big 'ole spread in Arizona. Big city goons representing the Syndicate arrive with a proposition to buy out Douglas in an effort to take his horses to the races. Douglas says no, so the goons spike his punch, place him on an airplane, and advise the pilot to casually dump Douglas in The Grand Canyon. Thankfully, the pilot is a Yaqui from Old Mexico, so he shows pity on Douglas and takes him to his family's place across the border. Like a typical western, Douglas is initiated into the family through a ritual and then it is all guns blazing as Douglas grabs an M-16, some grenades, and a sawed-off and heads back to his ranch to kill the baddies and get his horses. 

Hold your horses right there mister. I totally forgot to mention that Man Alone, aka Steve Douglas of Sleepycat Ranch, is a G-rated pulpy juvenile family-friendly novel. So, shave off everything up top after the words “...through a ritual.”

Instead of maximum carnage, Douglas teams up with a Yaqui attorney to fight the baddies through legal means. It's a courtroom brawl instead of a slobber-knockin' beat'em up. There is a brief fistfight on the sidewalk, but it's short and Douglas's own girlfriend is involved. Instead, this vengeance yawn is a childish romp with very little payoff. 

The author uses quotations whenever Douglas is thinking to himself (I despise that), and consistently ends sentences with an exclamation mark! At one point a character tells another to “speak American” and “give it to me in U.S.A." instead of Spanish. To squeeze a lemon in the gash, there is even a gold mine with a curse. 

I debated on putting this into the Hall of Shame, but that isn't really fair. It isn't necessarily the author's fault that the book was marketed as a modern, gritty mob-buster. It also isn't the author's fault that I am a veteran of dirty westerns where the 'ole Double-D is being squeezed by a depraved rapist posing as a thriving businessman. So, it's a no contest. But, leave Man Alone alone.

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Brother and Sister

Do you remember the Don Pendleton series The Executioner? Of course you do, don't be ridiculous. Even a perfect stranger completely alienated from men's action-adventure literature will know who Mack Bolan is. Probably. Anyhow, in the debut of that series, War Against the Mafia, Mack Bolan is in the U.S. military and serving in Vietnam. He receives a letter from home advising him that his parents are dead. So, he comes home and starts banging on mobsters. 

But, if there was a PornHub take on War Against the Mafia, say 17 years before Mack Bolan and 30 years before the internet, it could have a U.S. military serviceman receiving a letter from home telling him that his parents are dead. So, he goes home and starts banging his sister. That's the introduction of Brother and Sister, a Monarch paperback original from 1961 authored by Edwin West, who is none other than the famous Donald Westlake who uses the name Richard Stark to pen the Parker series, the best heist books of all-time. 

Seventeen year old Angie's child-body has developed into voluptuous womanhood. So, she's consistently fighting off the sex-starved Bob by the dim light of the dashboard radio every Friday night. But, she's finally had enough lip-puckering and wants to totally take a low blow. So, she informs heavy-handed Bob that her parents are gone and if he can slip in and out really fast, they can successfully liberate her body from its virgin prison. But, when Bob pulls into Angie's driveway, all of the house lights are on and an old aunt is in the doorway. Angie learns that her parents have both died in a horrible car wreck. Bob's receipt of the news is equally devastating, but in a different way. 

Paul is twenty-one and an Airman Second Class in the United States Air Force. After bedding down a young woman in Germany, he marries her and they both live happily ever after for four consecutive months. But, one day Paul arrives home early and finds his wife serving as a blow-up doll for a another hump-happy Airman (see what I did there?). Paul divorces his slut of a wife, and after a few months receives the devastating news that his parents have died in a car wreck. The only thing he can think of is his little sister Angie. He has to come home quick.

After the funeral, Paul and Angie decide to just live together in their childhood suburban home. When Bob comes over to provide Angie physical therapy to mourn, Paul punches his lights out and sends him packing. After a few days, Paul begins to think of Angie in a different way. Angie begins to substitute Paul for Bob in her own mind. Before you know it, Paul and Angie are doing the nasty and pretending like they are married. It's a lot of incest. I mean a lot.

Thankfully, Westlake throws in a bit of crime-fiction when Paul and Angie's devious uncle appears to claim the house as his through a series of neglected loan payments. Apparently holing up in your dead parents' house committing acts of incest does come with a price. There's a mortgage payment and bills to screw with too. Ultimately, the book's second-half is like a countdown to madness as Paul and Angie begin to question their own sanity. The book's closing pages will be stuck in my mind forever. It was such a wild, crazy romp to the finish with a climax that borders on dark psychological horror. 

Despite how you feel about incest (hopefully we aren't bipartisan on this), Brother and Sister was a thrill to read. Westlake is a masterful storyteller, and even when he wasn't writing crime-fiction, he could stir the emotional suspense. If you love Westlake, this is an easy recommendation. But, if you just want a wild and crazy leap into a PG-13 level sexcapade (nothing graphic here), Brother and Sister is the way to do it.

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Conan - Conan the Rebel

Prolific science-fiction and fantasy author Poul Anderson (1926-2001) wrote one Conan novel, 1980's Conan the Rebel. It was originally published by Bantam in 1980, then reprinted by the publisher again in 1981. Ace Books reprinted the novel twice, 1988 and 1991. England's Sphere Books also reprinted the novel in 1988. Tor Books published the novel as a hardcover in 2001 and a softcover in 2003.

What makes Conan the Rebel really interesting is that it is set in a time-period of Conan's life that directly places him in the middle of a Robert E. Howard story called “Queen of the Black Coast”. In Howard's story, originally published in 1934, Conan joins a sailing crew led by raven-haired pirate-queen Belit as they ravage the Stygian coast on their Tigress ship. The beginning of the story is Conan's introduction to Belit and incorporation into the life of piracy. The second half of the story is the Tigress destruction and Belit's death. However, in the middle of the story Howard suggests that the duo had a wonderful life together sailing the high seas as lovers. This is the era that Anderson hones in on.

In Conan the Rebel, both Belit and the titular hero are experiencing love and adventure at sea. But the two become targets of a sorcerer who is serving the dark god Set. In the opening pages, the Stygian magician Tothapis is warned by Set that both Conan and Belit are now a loving couple (that won't produce children). Set tells Belit that a magical ax will be used to wreak havoc on Stygia. Tothapis, gaining insight from Set's rather vague vision, assembles a meeting with a military leader and a vile priestess. The military man recognizes the ax in the description as the powerful Ax of Varanghi. Putting two and two together, the group focus on killing Conan to keep him from using this ax to destroy's Set's sanctuary. 

While Anderson's narrative is rather dense with characters and multiple story arcs, the collective whole is a rousing action-packed, sword-and-sorcery novel. There are multiple allies assisting Conan through various aspects of the adventure. Readers are provided varying backstories for each character to build validity and purpose to their inclusion in the plot development. The adventures incorporate nautical aspects, jungle escapism, a prison break, treasure hunting, and the wicked supernatural entities summoned by the magician and priestess. 

Conan the Rebel was a real pleasure to read and an entertaining romp through a small, isolated portion of Conan's spectacular history. Belit would later die in “Queen of the Black Coast”, so the character in the books and short story is short-lived. However, in the Conan the Barbarian comics by Marvel, she is featured predominantly in issues 58-100. Dark Horse's own Conan the Barbarian comic featured Belit through issue 25, later partially collected in the trade paperback Conan Vol. 16: The Song of Belit.

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