Your Body Will Never Be Found

A master of blending horror with razor-sharp humor, Jeff Strand has carved out a unique niche in the genre with stories that are as unsettling as they are laugh-out-loud funny. With dozens of novels under his belt, ranging from splatterpunk chaos to darkly comedic thrillers, he’s earned a cult following among horror fans who like their scares served with a side of satire. His 2025 release, Your Body Will Never Be Found, is a fine entry-point to his “body” of work.

The 222-page paperback begins with a family of four lost in the deep woods of rural Georgia with their car’s GPS in constant recalculation mode and the fuel gauge approaching empty. They are Arden (Dad), Laurie (Mom), Nick (15) and Misty (6).

When the car finally konks out with a blown out tire and lack of gasoline, the family is at the foot of a long driveway snaking into the forbidding woods. At the base of the driveway is a sign reading, “If you’re here, you’re clearly lost. What you do next will determine if you stay that way.”

Of course the house’s resident is Finch, a giant scary redneck with a shotgun. But is he dangerous or just worried about coyotes? Would he allow little Misty to use the restroom inside his shack while they await roadside assistance? What could go wrong?

The author does a great job of ratcheting up the tension gradually playing with the tug-o-war between normal human manners and the gut feeling that something isn’t right. When violence finally breaks out, we have a nonstop, extreme horror bloodbath.

Nick and Misty will go to any length to keep their kids safe, and they have a secret history of their own that does not make them the soft targets you’d imagine. Meanwhile, the occupants of the home also have a creepy backstory that adds to the sense of danger and foreboding.

To be sure, Your Body Will Never Be Found is an extremely violent and visceral novel with some truly vile and disgusting scenes. Be warned. Strand also writes some of the best violent fight scenes in horror fiction — as evidenced throughout the novel’s second half.

Overall, this was not a masterpiece of horror fiction, but it’s probably a fine entry-point if you want to dip your toe into the extreme horror pool of blood. He’s a solid writer and the novel’s perspective changes had a cinematic, Tarantino quality. By now, you should know if this is your thing. If so, consider this a recommendation.

Get the book HERE.